27 Tweets That ll Make You Chuckle and Good Lord It Feels Good to Laugh Again
You know how the saying goes: Laughter is the all-time medicine. And at that place's then much truth to that old aphorism. If yous're having a bad day, or if someone y'all love needs a little cheering up, sense of humor tin assist ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that grinning and turn effectually someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you!) We've got funny quotes about love, wedlock, aging, parenting, and so many more than relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to print and hang in a higher place your desk to serve every bit a little reminder that life's not that serious — and we're all much amend off laughing so we don't weep!
These funny quotes come from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Brawl, and Phyllis Diller. You'll as well find express mirth-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Office, and funny-only-oh-and so-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. So enjoy our list and bookmark it to come dorsum to anytime yous demand a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Bank check out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes About Life
1. "Life is short. Drive fast and get out a sexy corpse. That'south one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Office
2. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to run into information technology."
―Mindy Kaling
three. "I always melt with wine. Sometimes I fifty-fifty add it to the food."
—W.C. Fields
4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, merely I have always figured if y'all have plenty money, you tin have a key made."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Do not have life also seriously. You volition never get out of it alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
half dozen. "I generally avert temptation unless I can't resist it."
―Mae West
7. "Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry well-nigh. That e'er worries me!"
—Charlie Dark-brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the all-time of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is truthful."
—James Branch Cabell
nine. "I'm killing time while I await for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
―Bill Watterson
10. "You lot just live once, just if you exercise it right, in one case is enough."
―Mae Westward
11. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And so quit. No utilize beingness a damn fool about information technology."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I beloved mankind... it'due south people I can't stand!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his power."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Piece of cake. Both. I desire people to exist afraid of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
fifteen. "Ii things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'yard not sure about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
16. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the heart."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that'due south troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
eighteen. "When I was growing up I always wanted to exist someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin
xix. "I have a lot of growing upwards to exercise. I realized that the other 24-hour interval within my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
twenty. "I only desire to lie on the embankment and eat hot dogs. That'southward all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Office
21. "Whenever I'chiliad about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not exercise that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Office
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what y'all can do the day after tomorrow just as well."
—Mark Twain
23. "I'm not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, y'all know what they say: If you don't have anything prissy to say virtually everyone, come sit by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A woman is similar a tea bag: Y'all can't tell how strong she is until y'all put her in hot h2o."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, simply what yous want is someone who will take the autobus with yous when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women do they must do twice too as men to be thought half as practiced. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drinkable to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves u.s. and loves to see united states of america happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
xxx. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bond yous out. A all-time friend volition be in the cell next to you proverb, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'chiliad not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I besides know that I'm not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women become shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every 4 Americans is suffering from some course of mental disease. Recollect of your three best friends. If they're OK, then information technology's you." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy trouble. But they don't really know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste material their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just beverage whatever's in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gold Girls
37. "I don't intendance what they say about me. I merely want to eat."
—Pam Beesly, The Office
38. "Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. In that location is no more than listen-numbing, boring, idiotic, cocky-destructive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake upwards looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
forty. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it'south natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes About Aging
41. "The hush-hush of staying immature is to alive honestly, eat slowly, and lie virtually your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize information technology is marchin' across your face."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know you've reached middle age when y'all're cautioned to dull downwardly by your doctor, instead of by the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you stay looking so young?' I say, well, adept lighting, good doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Wait, y'all didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'k sometime, and then I'g giving it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No affair how bad things become, remember these sage words: You're old, you lot sag, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You know you lot're getting quondam when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else yous could practise while you're downward there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't affair unless you are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "Every bit y'all go older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Marriage
l. "Before you marry a person, you lot should first make them employ a reckoner with dull Internet service to see who they actually are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they will alter. Men ally women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I love you no affair what y'all do, just do yous have to do so much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Love is blind but marriage is a real middle-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never get to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The hush-hush to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The best way to become almost husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're besides old to practice it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a man in a relationship, you take a simple choice. Y'all tin can either be right, or you lot tin be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Backside every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The simply matter worse than existence talked about is not being talked about."
—Oscar Wilde
60. "The older you get, the amend yous get. Unless y'all're a banana."
—Betty White
61. "If you can't be kind, at least be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Anybody who tells you lot money can't purchase happiness never had any."
—Samuel L. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Neb Watterson
64. "Don't exist and then humble — you are not that keen."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a good hazard to shut up."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had great success beingness a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that make you happy inside the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Get to sky for the climate, hell for the visitor."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes besides long."
—Carrie Fisher
lxx. "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The earth owes you nothing. Information technology was here first."
—Mark Twain
71. "My tastes are elementary: I am hands satisfied with the best."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to exercise are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the loftier road and how loftier information technology should be should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, because the earth needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and so simply behave like they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else'south path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all ways y'all should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who think they know everything are a slap-up annoyance to those of us who do."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for information technology."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money can't buy you happiness, only it tin buy y'all a yacht big enough to pull up right aslope it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave us ii ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which i nosotros apply the most."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes Nigh Parenting
80. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I utilise a dainty, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. And so I want to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before information technology stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "Information technology is not piece of cake being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would practise it."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Aureate Girls
84. "Adults are always asking children what they want to exist when they abound upwardly because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If y'all are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough fourth dimension with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "There is no such thing every bit fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to relieve the earth. No ane wants to help mom do the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I have I owe to this task... this stupid, wonderful, boring, astonishing chore."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
89. "An office is a identify to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true."
—Michael Scott, The Office
90. "And then this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Function
91. "The best manner to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without 1."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't impale you, but why take the run a risk?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. Y'all brand the beds, yous launder the dishes and six months subsequently you have to start all over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I similar work. Information technology fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
―Jerome Thousand. Jerome
95. "I always make it tardily at the office, just I make upwards for it by leaving early on."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is similar being caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The merely thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "You can't accept a one thousand thousand-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All y'all need in this life is ignorance and conviction — then success is certain."
—Marker Twain
100. "Even if y'all are on the right runway, you will get run over if yous just sit in that location."
—Will Rogers
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